-THE CASE OF THE TIRE FIRE
HHJDC CASE FILE: 001 (new system)/ #34 (old system)
WHEN: Monday, October 30th, 1995
WHERE: Hobtown, NS
ROSTER: D. Nance (Chair), B. Hale (Secretary), P. Larmier (Treasurer), I. Darren (member) D. Hale (candidate)
DETAILS: On October 30th, 1995, commuters in and around Hobtown find their passage through highway 6 (in and out of the city of Hobtown) BLOCKED by as many as 100 BURNING tires. The HHJDC is alerted to these facts and others the following day when the Hobtown Police make an appeal to the public for information. After hearing allegations through their confidential informant network, that two juniors from the high school [NAME REDACTED] and [NAME REDACTED] are responsible, the HHJDC notifies the police and has them arrested. [It should be noted that member I. Darren was convinced that paranormal forces were behind the fire. Her evidence: a great deal of the smoke from the fire smelled ‘different than a tire fire should’.]
Having discovered a badly burned and melted gas can in a shed with [NAME REDACTED]’s father’s name on it, the HHJDC believes it has adequate proof to convict the alleged arsonists, but before they can reach out to the police, [NAME REDACTED] and [NAME REDACTED] are released on probation as young offenders pending trial! Two members of the HHJDC are discovered by the two [GENDER DETAIL REDACTED BY REQUEST] with this piece of evidence, which the incensed youths seize and destroy. Before the parolees are able to take their revenge, however, the HHJDC is rescued by a student who was previously a candidate for membership, (D. Hale), who defeats the two with quick thinking, and a can of house paint.
Later on, after receiving another anonymous tip, B. Hale is told about a late-night rendezvous near the old train yard. Misinformed by this ‘anonymous tip’, it turns out that [NAME REDACTED] and [NAME REDACTED] were actually meeting at a train-shaped jungle gym in Bird’s Head, outside of Hobtown. Luckily, through collaborative efforts between D. Nance and P. Larmier, the HHJDC manage to arrive at the proper rendezvous using deductive reasoning. There, the two are witnessed conferring with and receiving payment from a young couple—BENJAMIN BRICK and JOSEPHINE ALFOUCARDE. Following the adult pair to their dilapidated home, which doubles as an ‘exotic animal sanctuary’, the HHJDC discover that these two are in the process of leaving town via boat, and hidden amongst their floating bestiary is a STOLEN SAFE, hidden in plain sight in an orangutan cage. DN and PL, discovered by the would-be zookeepers, are attacked by the two via their boa constrictor (a prohibited pet under the Nova Scotia Wildlife act). Through an unbelievable series of events involving a Costa Rican parrot, a starter pistol and a neighbour’s dog, PL and DN survive the encounter.
DH and BH, having realized their mistake and returned to the proper rendezvous find [NAME REDACTED] and [NAME REDACTED], who, after being defeated arm-wrestling contest, give up the whereabouts of the zookeepers. Arriving with moments to spare, the boys help DN and PL stop the escaping pair by anchoring their boat to the stolen safe and pushing it into the harbour. Luckily, Officers Jon Mac and Wayne Zablocki are on the scene within minutes. Police Chief Ignatios will later take credit for having solved the series of crimes single-handedly.
CONCLUSION: BRICK and ALFOUCARDE, young lovers with too many mouths to feed and love forbidden by their parents decide to rob their parents convenience store and pilfer the family safe. Knowing how to keep the alarms from being tripped, the duo take an extra step and hire local hoodlums [NAME REDACTED] and [NAME REDACTED] to create a grand fire to act as a literal smoke-screen for their crimes. Planning on escaping to greener pastures in the Unites States with their prized animals only, the two left behind several innocent creatures to starve and die. The two were charged with armed robbery, criminal negligence, owning a prohibited animal, animal cruelty, and theft over $5000.
Notes: Full membership for D. Hale is finalized.